What if all we had was all we'd ever need?

August 12- It's been a month. A month ago, on July 12, around 1:13 in the morning, Danny messaged me on Facebook. The first message that started everything. I came back from vacation today (the 12), so I went to the festival. (St. Rocco's) there was like no one there and we knew it was gonna be super boring so we went down to the plaza. At first we were near the YMCA parking lot and it was Helena, Steph, Cass, Zac, Joey, Joe, Matt, Danny (different Danny), and just a ton of other kids. So that Danny kid walked away and Helena went to get him and a few of us got into Zac's car and drove over there and we were driving around and stuff and it was really fun and then we went over to the side of Dunkin. My friend called me right when we were walking there and she told me to meet her in front of Dunkin and so I did and I was talking to them and I looked over to see if Helena was still over there and there he was. I walked away from them to nudge Helena and he looked at me and Scotty walked over (she's been in love with him for 7 years) and she goes "Right back atcha" and I went over to my friend (the one who called me) and Danny walked up to me and while he was walking over she goes "Heads up" and I didn't look at him and he stands next to me and puts his hand out and says "Hi" and so I put my hand on his (I thought he wanted a high five or something, I don't fucking know) and he wrapped his fingers around my hand and when I did the same he squeezed my hand and I looked up at him (I was looking at our hands) and we locked eyes and with that he walked off.

August 14- I went back behind Dunkin and he was there... Nothing was happening at all at first but then he had a water bottle (full of some vodka mix) and Helena thought it was water. So she was like "give me a sip!" and she started flipping out because it burned her mouth so she spit it out. So I said "you really thought it was water?" and I laughed. He came REALLY close to me and was like "you want a sip?" and so I backed up (against a car) and he came close (our bodies were almost touching..) and he uncapped it and was like "do you?" and I said "no.." so he backed away.

Then a while later he came into Giovanni's and he was sitting at another table with Zac but he kept looking at me..

Then when we were leaving we were saying bye to people and he had his arms around her waist and they kissed and it was a long kiss and it broke my heart into nine million pieces and I wanted that to be me, so bad.

August 19- I went down to the plaza for the night (when don't I). Morgan Piv and I sat at a table and he was the first to come over and sit with us and we started talking about The Woman In Black because Piv just watched it at Olivia's house and by then Morgan W and Emily came over and sat with us and we were talking about how messed up it was and I was like "I don't even know, I started watching it halfway through.." and he was like "I saw it three times." and Emily was like "I watched it when I was high so I have no clue what's going on" and Danny was like "I was once it was hilarious" and I was like "Why'd you go three times?" and he was like "It was with different people but it was all in the theaters" and I was like "Oh." and then we all went up to Sherwood and the girls were on the merry-go-round and Danny, Zac, Andrew and a bunch of other boys were on the swings and then girls were playing Never Have I Ever and the guys walked over and we were like "Ohi?" and they grabbed onto the poles and started spinning us and all the girls were flipping out and I was like "Why're you flipping?" and we laughed and they walked away and then at one point they did it again but it wasn't as bad. Then they started talking about stuff I didn't care about and so I walked over to the swings and Lexi was over there at first but she walked away. So it was Zac, Danny, Andrew and I and the guys were on the swings but I was standing and Zac was like "Hi Ashley! I'm honored to be your profile picture on Facebook! HIGHFIVE?!" and I was like "Yeah, haha" and he hit my wrist the first time (he was swinging so it wasn't that easy) and then I was like "Oh wow that sucked" and he was like "Again!" and we highfived again and he was like "Can I wear your sweatshirt?" and I was like "Why?" and I laughed and he was like "Because. What does it say?" and I read it (something about my dance studio and he was like "Oh never mind."  then Danny got off the swing and walked over to me and was like "Hi. Can I hold your satchel?" I was like "Sure. Why'd you call it a satchel though?" and he was like "That's what its called.." and he put it on the wrong way and was like "Is this how it goes?" and I was like "No, its not." and he was like "Oh well." and started swinging it around and then he took it off and walked over to the swing with my purse and I so I was like "Can I have that?" and he was like "No, its mine." and hugged it and I was like "Oh." but he gave it back like five minutes later.

If you can't hang then there's the door.

I'm in Sea Isle City, New Jersey for vacation.. but tonight's the last night. xP

Well, Danny has a girlfriend.

She knew I liked him, so she kissed him, and now they're dating. 

Yup.

So I haven't texted him since last Friday because that was the day before they started going out.

I haven't seen him since the night at Sherwood.

I haven't talked to him since last Friday.

I miss him so fucking bad.

I can't text him though..

He has a girlfriend, and I don't wanna do anything stupid.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm so close to crying right now. 

I'm so upset.

OH!

http://technicolordreams23.tumblr.com/post/28959098883/this-is-just-my-feelings-dont

Read that. (Even though it says not to, that was on my tumblr)

That is basically everything right now.

Oh, I just lied to you.

Big time.

St. Rocco's is starting up.

Remember that? I don't think I was on this blog for this.

I fixed things with Joe at St. Rocco's last year. 

... Then I ruined it again in September...

So, Mark...

(Not Mark D, Mark H....)

I never really talked about him, did I? 

He was so nice, and I really liked him.

He really liked me, but he never asked me out...

Well I threw everything that I had with him away (I had a fucking LOT) to go with Danny and it didn't even work out.

So I tried to get things at least close to how they were.

That didn't work...

I still like Mark.

I don't know what to do.

I give up on everything.. 

Goodnight..

 

There was nothing to do but laugh ;D

July 30- (At the plaza) I gave him a hug when I saw him. (: Then we were at the tables and I wasn't sitting next to him and him and one other person went to sit at another table and I was still at the other table and he pulled at my purse strap and came up to my ear and whispered "Come on, switch tables" and so I got up and sat down and then everyone raced to get a seat at the table. Then I walked away like ten minutes after and I came over and put my hands over Alexis's eyes and I guess she had Danny's phone and Danny looked at me and was like "Can you get my phone off of her Ashley?" and I gave him his phone. And then I was looking at him and he looked at me and I smiled at him and he goes "Do you have gum?" and I was like "yeah!" and he asked for a piece and I gave him one and then this other hot kid that like nine million people are obsessed with asked for one and I gave him one too haha. Then that kid (Zac) stood up and walked away so I went and sat coz I was sore and there was no other seats and the seat was right next to Danny and Alexis goes "Of course you would sit next to Danny.. And get his phone off of me for him.." I was like "So?" But Alexis was ALL OVER HIM. I was gonna hit her. Then I got home and I texted him "I want you to be completely honest. Do you have any feelings for me at all? Because I know you like Meghan and we are three years apart but I just wanted to know.." and he was like "Well to be honest I think you're cute and everything but I think we're just too different because of our age. I still wanna be your friend tho and maybe someday yaknow? But I don't want it to be awkward because you're such a nice friend !" so I said "but I'm confused.." and he said "why" and I said "you asked to hookup.." (that's what was gonna happen) and he said "I was kind of drunk.. I'm sorry/: I mean I would maybe still hookup with you but idk about dating and I don't want a relationship now anyway" and so I said "oh alright." and he was like "yee" and I said "ok." so he said "are you mad?" so I said "nope, just a little upset." and he said "Aw): I'm sorry" so I was like "it's not your fault" and he was like "it is." and I said "no it's mine." and he said "how?" and I was like "coz I liked you.." and he said "you can't control that..." and I said "I know.. But thats why it was my fault." and he never answered.

August 1- The Dream Game. Oh, Dream Game. Last year Joe asked if I was gonna go. He asked me to go with him. He was there but I didn't see him, thank god. Anyway, Danny was there. *deep breath* I was basically breaking inside.. I was with him all night. I didn't think we were gonna say a word to each other all night. I kept looking at him.. I couldn't help it.. And sometimes we would make eye contact but I would just look away. At one point he comes out of nowhere and grabs my arms and goes "Are you still mad?" and he grabbed below my shoulder so I reached up and grabbed by his wrists and I was like "no, I was never mad, I was just upset." and we were locking eyes and he was like "Why we're you upset?" and he like brought his hands to right below my boobs and they were kinda on my boobs and I didn't exactly want them there because there was a TON of people there and so I slid my hands down his wrists and held both his hands and kinda just thought of the question and mumbled "Coz I really like you" but I don't think he heard me but I don't know because before he could answer he got pulled away by someone.

August 2- At first we were all at the plaza and he either didn't have work or he got out early but anyway.. Mark S took my phone and went into my messages and went into Danny's and typed random letters and sent them. He sent "ug" before I took my phone off of him and I texted Danny again and I was like "sorry that was mark.." because things still weren't great yet between us even after he talked to me at the Dream Game. So a little while later he came over to the table and I was sitting but he was standing and he came up from behind me and rested his wrist on my shoulder and I looked up to see who it was and he had his phone in his hand and he was showing me the texts that Mark and I sent and I was like "it was Mark I promise!" and he laughed. So this Josh kid was sitting next to me and Danny goes "Yo Josh get up." and Josh was like "No dude there's a seat over there" and Danny was like "Noo I wanna sit next to my friend!" and put his hand on my back and tried to get Josh up but he just sat on the seat in between me and Josh and I was like "Oh hey" and my friend Dani was like "come over here Ash" so I went and sat next to her and he texts me and goes "Ug" and I said "it wasn't me!!):" then I walked away with Helena and we went to Sheetz with her brother quick and then we got a call saying everyone went up to Sherwood so we had Helena's brother drive us up there because literally everyone was there. At first nothing was really happening and it was kinda boring but then everyone went into the soccer field and stood there so we went to see what was going on and they were playing epic hide and seek in the woods and I was gonna play but I didn't really feel like it so I stayed on the playground with Helena. But then the team that was hiding came back to the playground because the swings were base or whatever and Helena had to go call someone so I was on the swings with Daren and Zac while everyone was coming back. Danny was walking back with someone and he came and sat on the swing next to me and at first we weren't talking but then he was looking at his cuts he got (he tripped over a log in the woods or something) and I looked back at him and I was like "Hi" and he was like "Hi! Do you have a band aid?" and I was like "Yeah, I do." so I got a band aid for him and he got the wrapper off and looked up at me and goes "Can you put it on? I only have one hand and yaknow.. You're my nurse." (the cut was on his hand) and he smiled at me and I smiled back and took the band aid and I was like "Am I?" and he was like "Yah." and so I put the band aid on his hand and I was pressing on the sides and stuff to make it stick and I accidentally pressed on the cut and he was like "Ow! That hurt." and I was like "I'm sorry!" and he was like "You did that on purpose didn't you?" and he smiled at me and I was like "No!" and I hit his forehead and he was like "I'm sweaty." and I was like "I can see that!" and I wiped my hand on his chest and he was like "oh my shirt is dirty too from when I fell" and I was like "oh dear." and he stands up and goes to someone else that was walking to the field again "Where are you going?" an they were like "ROUND 2!" and they started running across the field and I laughed and he turns to me and goes "Come on and play." and I was like "Nooo I really don't wanna." and he put his arm around my waist and dragged me along and was like "Oh come on it'll be fun." so I walked over with him. It was just the two of us walking across a very large field and he was like "Why didnt you play before?" and I was like "I wasn't friends with anyone" and he was like "Why not?" and I was like "I'm not social." and he was like "So you're a socially awkward butterfly that needs I spread her wings?" and I was like "yes.. But no, I do not." and we laughed. Once we got there he goes "you're wearing flip flops... Are you sure you wanna play?" and I was like "yah." and he was like "ok!" and when we were over there he was like talking to the guys I don't know so I was just standing there and he comes over to me after a few minutes and puts his hands below my shoulders and I put my arms just below his elbows and he looks at me for like 10 seconds so we were kinda just staring at each other like that and he goes "You seem bored." and I was like "I am." and he was like "You wanna go back?" and I was like "Kinda." and he was like "Go ahead, if you want." And he slid his hands down and held my hands and I was like "Ok, I will. But text me when you get home, ok?" and he was like "I will." and I was like "hug?" and it was again one of the most amazing hugs I've ever gotten.. He like bent down and hugged my waist and my arms were around his neck and he like pulled me up on my tippy toes and when we pulled away he grabbed my hand and just looked at me and Kayla goes "aww that was so cute!" and we were staring at each other and he was like "yeah" but he didn't look away from me and he was smiling and when I walked away he was still holding my hand so it was like where you start to walk away and just slowly let go and I was like "text me later." and I smiled and he was like "I will!" and ugh I just can't. :D

Damn that was an eventful few days. 

I wanna tell him something like this to him, but I'm afraid to..

"I just want to kiss you or hold your hand or something to see if there's really something there or if I'm just wasting my time.. I'm falling hard and falling fast and I want to know if it's all for nothing or if it's worth trying."

I just really do like him and I really want him, in all honesty.