The way you treat me cruel, oh it just adds fuel to the fire.

So today, like always, Nico asked for a piece of gum. 


I wasn't planning on giving him one, because he took six from me on Friday. -_-

Gaahh, if I say this it'll sound weird, but I've said more awkward things than this.

I wasn't gonna give him one but then he looked at me and... started playing with my hair. and then.. I dunno..

I just can't say much more without saying too much, if you know what I mean. 

So I gave him a piece.. 

Then in Social Studies he was not paying attention like almost all of the class and at one point he stood behind my desk (which is the last desk in my row) and crouched down so if I turned around either way I wouldn't be able to see him.

Then he started to move up and I looked around again because he was sniffing my hair (?) and then I turned around a bit too far and our faces were closer than I thought they'd be and he didn't move. 

Then in the end of Algebra I was waiting for Julia so we could walk to Geography together (because I walk really awkwardly alone in the hallway, its weird) and Nico was getting his books and I was standing there and he did this weird thing to me and I really don't know how to describe it. He like.. rolled his body? Against my back.

LOLWUT

It was while I was talking to Michael about how he cut his nose...?

He was standing up and he goes "OW I cut my nose" and I looked at him and he was looking at me and I was like "Oh? How'd you do that?" and he explained something with his notebook and I was like "That's unfortunate." and that's when Nico did that roll thing on me and Michael goes "What was THAT?!" and he raised his eyebrows and I was kinda just standing there like nothing happened (because I'm used to Nico by now, haha) and I looked at Nico and he was like "I went like..." and showed him on my side and I just stood there thinking to myself 'Uh huh, that's right, be jealous. (;' 

LLN WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME.

(LLN= Laughing Like Niall (; )

I'm having a good day.

Like a really good day. 

I have dance tonight, and I'm not gonna give a fuck what people think of me.

FUCK YEAH. :3

I got my outfit in NYC too!
 
It was when we went for the dance convention.

I have skinny yoga pants from Strawberry and a sports bra & a quarter sleeve crop top- both from Forever 21.

I had the greatest time in New York.

Even though it was only two days. ):

Mhkay, I wanna text Mark. 

He has his track meet now though. It started at four, and its 4:40 now.

Blah.

Maybe after dance I will.

Which would be like 6:45.

But I don't wanna awkwardly text him... we haven't talked since Tuesday.

Its Monday night.


OHEMGEE I NEED MY PHONE. It is predicted to come on May 2. WHICH IS WEDNESDAY.




Ewh who says predicted? -_-

 

Wake me if you're out there.

Can you believe I was in love with this?

I sure can.

I know you might not think that there is anything special about him, but there is more than you'd think.

Someone took this in school (obviously) and put it on Facebook, and I just found it again and I needed to say this.

This picture may not the most attractive, but there better ones. He used to be the nicest boy I had ever met. He was so funny and nice. I just don't know. There was so much there in my heart for him and I don't know what. I just can't put words to it. I apologize. Compared to... even Nico. I was in love with Nico before I met Joe. I'll admit it. Compared to Nico, even Joe was more attractive. I loved him, and I don't care what anyone says.

If I could tell him all this and more, I would. Well, I could. But I don't know what he would say. I'm afraid of what he would say. 


I think it was two weeks ago that I broke down at the plaza and Helena texted Joe off of my phone for me? 

This is what I said to Helena when I started crying.

"Helena, come here, please."
H: Yeah?
A: I need to talk to you.. 
H: Alright, what is it?
A: I just need to say this... I just want to be friends with the kid.

--I started to cry now--

H: who? Joe?
A: Yes. I'm not saying I'm still in love with him, because I still need to think about that. I can't get over Joe. I don't know why. But its like you and Scotty. Even though yours was 6 years that you loved him until he started to like you back at all, I never felt like that with Joe with anyone else. It was only one year, I know. But that is the longest I have ever liked someone. When you ran outside of Giovanni's I only saw Shawn so I did run. I didn't know that Joe was out there too. I just want to have a conversation with him-
H: Text him
A: I cant
H: Why not?
A: I feel like he's not gonna text back and I'm gonna be embarrassed when I see him in the halls.
H: *Takes my phone and texts him*

I was okay after that.

Right now... now that I found this picture (at the top of this post) I don't really know.

I know I do like Mark, but he doesn't talk to me. I don't think he likes me either.

Joe doesn't like me, I know that.

I just.. don't know anymore.

I want to be friends with Joe like we used to be. 

Its just not gonna happen. 

Maybe I was wrong for trying to pick a fight.

There was this girl that I used to be friends with and her name was Cjaye. 

She was older. I wrote this 9/17/11.

Hey Cjaye. 

Its Ashley.

Yesterday night, I was texting the boy I like/liked, and we got into a small fight. The fight was because someone said something about me liking him and I thought it was him because my friend told me it was and he argued and said it wasn't him and then after that he said "I don't know what to say" and I said "To?" and he said "You" and I said "About?" and he said "Never Mind" and I kept begging him to tell me and he said "I've said enough already" and I said "Please Joe. Just tell me." (That's obviously his name.) and then he said "We've been fighting lately so maybe we shouldn't talk" and I said "Oh. Well I guess this is my last good bye.." and then he never texted back and I cried myself to sleep last night because I was so devistated.

Cjaye, I really need your help. I know you're probably really busy, but I need your help. I don't know what I should do. Should I go after him? Or should I just let him go.

Tonight is one of our football games, and he goes to all foot

Wanna know why I stopped? Right when I was typing "football" he texted me.

My heart dropped into my stomach at that moment.

It said "Hahaha I was joking Ashley" 

I was so pissed/relieved.

We'll all be the greatest.

This is my explanation of July 28, 2011.

     well we went to the plaza so helena could see her friends
        and then i told joe to come
        and then him&nicky were with each other the whole time
        and i was freaking out because i was so nervous and i wanted to hug him so bad and i really like him and thats what i told him
    then i was scared to go near him because i was scared and he kept coming towards me with nicky and i ran away because i was scared a bunch of times
        then they got him alone by the dumpster (SO romantic) and they all went away and he said "why are you so nervous?" and i said "i dunno. i just wanted to hug you and you know that-" and then he said "well then hug me." and i hugged him and then he walked away so i did and everyone was watching from two different places and they both went "omigosh they hugged!!!"
        it was crazy and i need to talk to him. i told him to text me after he leaves the plaza because i really need to talk to him. its important. 


I wrote that on the night of July 28, 2011.

That night changed so many things for me and Joe, and not in a good way. 

Lets dance in style, lets dance for a while.

Only time I have ever been grateful for my sister thinking something like this was "cute"
 and taking these pictures: 

 I was sitting home on a Friday night, watching TV.

Nico called me, and I answered.

"Hello?"
 
Him: "Are you home?" 
Me: "Yeah, why?"
Him: "Come outside" 
Me: "Alright?" 

I walked out and there is Nico and Joe, walking to my house.

We were literally there for 30 minutes, outside my house.

I was really happy that day. Like seriously. It was a great day for me.
 

You've got that smile that only heaven can make.

Click on the photo then tilt your screen backwards.

I want to send this to Mark in a text but I'm afraid that it'd come up on your phone. 

You only want me when I'm taken.

The song We'll All Be... by The Maine is so good.

(:


Yesterday I died the tips of my hair red. It looks awesome.

I really just want to tell Nico that I like Mark because what if Mark does like me? 

... I should shut up now...


I asked Nico if he wanted to go shooting last weekend and he was so excited but it rained so we didn't go and last night at like 11:30 I asked if he wanted to go today but he was asleep and he hasn't woken up yet.

Its 7 AM and I don't know why the fuck I'm awake. 

Did I tell you that the day after we texted I tried to text him again but he didn't answer? ):

I like the way you smile with your eyes.

Nico walks up to me in Algebra and goes "So Ashley you like Mark _____" (His last name) 

Me: "When did I tell you that?"
Him: "A little while ago"
Me: "I.. don't now..." 

He walked away.

In Geography, he walked over to my desk singing How To Love to me. Or at least just singing it while walking over to me.

That was our song when we went out, and he knows that. He remembers that.

One time on the ski lift (I told you guys this already) he took out his phone and played it and I said "This was our song" and I looked away and he said "I know" and looked at me and smiled.

I do like Mark obviously, but I want him to know. Because he is good friends with Mark.

After I told him I don't like Mark I considered why he could be asking, and I came up with this idea: Mark likes me but he wasn't sure if I liked him and he figured Nico would tell me the truth so he had Nico ask me.

Lol no that would never happen. 

I need that one thingg.

I got out of band class (which was 6th&7th period) like five minutes early with Taylor so we weren't late for the bus and Mark D and Joe P (not the one I liked) were outside for their track meet and they walked to Nicky's car for some reason and they were walking past me and Taylor and for some reason Taylor goes "Should I say hi to Mark and not Joe?" and I was like "Sure?" and before she said anything they looked at us and said "Hi" and Mark looked at me and smiled and I said "Hi" and smiled back to him and then Taylor goes "Hi Mark" and they kept walking and I wasn't gonna do what I would do to Joe G (look away and get nervous and stuff) because even though I do like Mark D I don't want to ruin anything. 

I just really like him. 

I just wanted to hug him, bad.
(:

Tell me a lie.

(This will be the full conversation)

Him: Sorry and it counts

Me: Haha its alright and haha ok.

Him: I hate waking up for school

Me: Me too. Haha

Him: I cant wait for highschool we wake up soo much later

Me: I know. My sister normally isnt even awake and i'm already at school. -_-

Him: When im leaving my bro just gets up im so jealous

Me: It sucks but then we get out later but that doesnt really matter

Him: Ya

Me: Ha yep.

Him: Indeed

Me: Haha soo whats up?

Him: Nm but i gtg phones about to die

Me: Ok bye

Him: Goodnight :)

Me: gnight (: 


The "Goodnight :)" text made me smile. I forwarded it to Kate and told her that he sent me that. I was so happy. I just went to sleep at that. He literally made me so happy when he said that. 


Oh yeah, this is still Mark D. 


Just in case you were wondering. (: 


<3

I wanna save you tonight.

I'm the only one who thinks its awkward? Yes? Alrighty then.. haha Mark's a cutie. (;

Circles, we're going in circles.

That moment of happiness when you're talking to your crush.

HEHE YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT. ^^

Lol yeah so its Mark D. (:

So I texted him.

Me: Hey!
Him: Hey
Me: Whats up
Him: Nothin much playin my ipod you?
Me: Haha same but also listening to music
Him: Niceee
Me: Haha I guess :P
Him: Haha sooo
Me: Haha yup what'd you do last weekend?
Him: I went to friendlys with Mark L and then went up to Michael D's house on Saturday friday I went to monroe park to play baseball after my track meet and sunday nothing haha you?
Me: Friday i went to the plaza then me, my sister, and my aunt went to the Scranton Cultural Center to see Phantom of the Opera and i hung up signs for Rachel's Challenge with my sister&her friends on saturday and sunday i did nothing too. So boring weekend for me. :P
Him: Oh that sucks I think?
Me: Pretty much, yeah. Haha
Him: Haha what song are you listening to?
Me: Drive By by Train (:
Him: Haha I thats a good song
Me: Haha yep
Him: I thought you would say one direction haha
Me: Haha i thought you would say that ^^>
Him: Hehe
Me: I was listening to them before though, if that counts. -shocker-


and he didn't text back yet. the fact that he knew I'd be listening to 1D and that he said "hehe" makes me really happy, actually. (:

I'll look after youu.

Oh damn. 
This has changed on me. THE LAYOUT IS DIFFERENT... :O
 
lolso that awkward moment when Morgan Piv's twitter picture is named "Joe" and its a picture of Morgan, Helena, Olivia, and Joe.

That was a decent night, I guess you can say.


That was the night I gave Joe the note. Don't ask me what it said because I couldn't remember. I was too nervous to remember. :P

I told him a lot in that. Lol. 

I almost fell out of my chair in lunch because I was accidentally staring at him.... LOLWUT

I'm such a weirdo.

So I ordered a new phone.

KIN ONE BABBYYY.

I have dance now. YOGAS AND A TANK TOP. WHOOOOP. 

PEACE.

Shot me out of the sky, you're my kyrptionite.

GOT ONE DIRECTION TICKETS *Happy dance* WHOOPP. So how are you, my Sex Muffins? lol.

GUESS WHAT TODAY IS. EARTH DAY.

lol that isn't what i meant but alrighty then. 

ITS JOE'S BIRTHDAY. I SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY. and he said "Thank you" 

LOL CUTE RIGHT? Nope.


... 


So we started gym at school. ITS FUCKING SICK. I love it. 

DODGE BALL FRIDAYSS! :D

I was amazing at it. I was the last one in for my team and there was a bunch of people in on the other team and I got the really good person on the other team (Michael..) and I felt accomplished. 

I was supposed to be studying for the science test for tomorrow but I got distracted by One Direction/Instagram.

Which by the way are my life. LOLWUT.

Its everything about you.

OHMIGOD.

I HAD A CONVERSATION WITH JOE. 

OHMIGOD.

I got really upset and started bawling at the plaza Friday night about how I miss him and I just want to be friends with him and Helena goes "Text him" and I didn't want to but she did for me on my phone.

A: Heey
J: Heyy
A: Whats upp
J: Nm hbu
A: Nothing at the plazaa. Boredd
J: That's Kool
A: Yeah who ya with?
J: Noone u
A: Abunch of kids why arent you hanging out with people
J: I was going to but then they decided not to go
A: Ohh srry but i think we should hang out tomorrow

-- THAT WAS ALEXIS--

J: How come
A: Sorry that was helena :P
J: Haha it's fine
A: Anyways whats new wiith you
J: Nothin hbu
A: Nm im so bored/:
J: Me too
A: Yeah so we havent talked in a while..

No reply. I don't think I sent one of those texts. Well typed. It was all Helena.


So then there's this really cute eighth grader that I sorta like and tonight at the plaza he looks at me and goes "I think I've heard two word from you-" and I looked at him and said "Ashley" then he said ".. Ashley" and nodded.

Then someone pushed him into me (no one knows I like him). He was like "Oh gosh, I'm sorry" and I might have blushed. :P

Gaah. He's so cute. 

You're smiling and its something I like on your face, yeah it suits you.

I wrote that November 24, 2011. 

I almost just cried. That was extremely accurate. I loved him. That is our story. That is the short version of our story. I almost cried after I found this. 

Nothing's fine, I'm torn.

There is so much right now.


Okay, so Friday night when I was leaving I said to him "Bye Mark!" and he said "Bye Ashley, I would get up but I'm really tired" (he was laying on the couch).

Then I gave up on liking him, because I knew he'd never like me, yada yada yada, you know.

Nico wanted to see my old broken phone for lunch Tuesday because there was no one there (not literally but like there wasn't a lot of people) because of Honors Society (they all got out early).

One day I brought my Kin (the broken one) to school for him and I haven't taken it out yet and he always wants to play with it even though its broken. So Tuesday he took it out of my locker for lunch and I didn't want him to get it taken away and so I was like no give it back so we were halfway to the cafeteria so he just gave it to me to put in my pocket. Then in the middle of lunch he came back over and tried to pull it out of my pocket and I put my hand over my pocket so he didn't get it and - brace yourself for this, its dirty - he put his hand on my (left) thigh and started moving his hand right... It was really awkward and he said "If you don't give it to me I'll do it!" and I knew he would because he was and I was like "NO" and he said to me "Then I guess we're having sex tonight" and I was like "WHAT?!" and he was like "Give it to me or I'll do it" and looked down at his hand (still on my thigh) and so I gave it to him.

Then in school he's been slapping me in the butt and poking me in the chest (as a joke, I don't really care..) and I find it hilarious.

In Geography on Wednesday I was studying for Science and they were playing categories and he came over and slapped my butt. 

Well he came over and stood next to me and then I wasn't paying attention so I kinda jumped when he slapped me.


Then on Tuesday (when everyone was gone for Honors Society) we were playing with the magnets on the whiteboard and I was RIGHT behind him because I was leaning up against the row of desks right next to the whiteboard and he stepped back to see something (he was making steps and he had to make them even) and when he turned to look at me our faces were really close and I thought he was gonna kiss me and I was like 'err'.

Then Tuesday in Geography we were just like that (close wise) and he turned around and he looked me then went to grab my face and pinched my face and I thought he was gonna kiss me there too. Because he leaned in a bit..




Now, Joe and I were texting yesterday...

The first comment (mine), Cassidy liked.

Joe's about calling him butter because he's on a roll was of course liked by Stephanie (the bitch one, not the one that's one of my best friends).

Mine that said "not a chance" was liked by Michael. The Michael I liked.

Then our conversation of texting was:

J: Hey
A: So, who is this person?
J: :$
J: :)
A: -_- just tell me.
J: Nope
A: Why not?
J: Idk
A:So why wont you just tell me who likes you?
J: Idk o
A: Don't be difficult...
J: 69
A: 69 1/2?
J: Nope
A: You won't tell me.
J: Oh well.
A: Guess what.
J: What?
A: Never mind.
J: Ok
A: ---I FORGET WHAT I SAID BECAUSE IT DELETED IT OFF MY PHONE----
J: Yep
A: ---I FORGET WHAT I SAID BECAUSE IT DELETED IT OFF MY PHONE----
J: Ohkay byes
A: Bye

Kate told me to say "69 1/2?" but I didn't want to.

Fuck him.

Now I'm asking you to stay for a little while inside my arms.

I got acrylic nails today! 

The suck when it comes to typing, but so far, that's about it.

The first one is my life. LEGIT.

The second one, I got a text from Nico when we were dating saying "Good morning sunshine :)" 

The third, yeah..


I DON'T WANNA STUDY. 
 

OHMIGOD- So I'm at the play with Julia S and she goes randomly "JOE GOT SO HOT" and I was like "DUDE?! I KNOW RIGHT."

LOLOL IT WAS HILARIOUS.