Don't stop, keep going 'til the moring light!

JOE NEVER TELL ME YOU ARE "ONLY TEASING" ME. THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE I WILL ATTACK YOU AND HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU.

With that said, yeah, so I'm going up the lake tonight, for the weekend, with Helena and Tessa. As you can see.

Ok, so I almost regretted saying that he could come up for the day with everyone.


I'm glad I said it.

La La La I'm gonna go now. (:

We don't need anything or anyone.

GUYS I WAS TALKING TO JOE THE OTHER NIGHT.

((:

So a while ago I was like "I have to give you the note" blah blah blah.

So June 17 I told him to text me.


It was like after 1 AM so he texted me in the morning.

GOD HE WAKES UP EARLY

So our conversation...

J: Hey
A: Hi.. I have a question. :P
J: Ya
A: Since I wanna give you the note, but i probably won't ever see you this summer, do you want me to just text it to you? :P
J: Sure
A: Alright, give me a few minutes...
A: Hi. This note is from around December. Well, it happened in December, & i'm rewriting it. To refresh your memory, it looked like this: 
(post) if i never met you.. my life would be different.. MUCH different.. 
(comments) me: ...&maybe even a little better.. you: :( me: inbox me or text me and i'll tell you why... 
i remember you texting me and saying ":( wow i hurt every1" ... i don't know about everyone, but for me, yeah. why my life might have better if i never met you is because of the way you made me feel. yes, you did hurt me. a lot, actually. but that was my fault. it was my fault for liking you&telling you. hell, it was/is my fault we aren't friends! in all honesty: - i really liked talking to you. -i regret everything i did that night at the plaza. -(when i liked you) i thought about you everyday.. -the reason i stopped liking you was because i knew i'd never have a change. -you've changed. -i miss you. 
no, i don't still have feelings for you. yes, i do miss you. but when i say that, i mean the old 'you'.. the one i used to know. the one who wasn't mean around his friends.. you were nice to me, and you were a good friend.. if i'm allowed to call you that. i really don't know what to call us now.. aquaintances? nothing more, that's for sure. you used to be the nicest boy i had ever met, you were so funny&nice&... i just don't know. there was so much in my heart for you and i don't know how to explain it. i cant put words to it. i apologize. all i ask is for you to finally forgive me... lastly, i'm sorry. for everything. i hope we can work something out. 
J: U type really fast
A: Thanks, i think
J: Your welcome
A: i don't know what to say right now, sorry.
J: Its okay
A: That didn't help...

Then later that night:

J: Heeeeyy
A: Heyy
J: Whats up?
A: Watching tv with tessa, hub?
J: Nothing bored
A: That stinks
J: Interesting u both said that

--i'll explain later--

A: What, you're texting her too?
J: Yep I sent a group message

--way to make me feel special--

A: Oh, that's cool. Who else?
J: Matt Sheerer cam Coyer cait m Lacey a girl from vv

--i hope you're not a stalker--

A: Who's matt? i've seen him on fb but never heard of him otherwise
J: From NP
A: Oh.. that's cool.
J: Yep
A: So how's talking to like 7 girls?
J: They didn't all answer
A: Oh, well then how's talking to a few girls?
J: Good i guess
A: That's good.
J: Ya i guess

--way to make things awkward joe.--

A: Haha yeah..

SO ANYWAY,

We knew he sent a group message so me and Tess were playing him right back and saying the same thing but I think he stopped texting her and kept texting me.


GAH GUYS MY DANCE RECITAL IS TOMORROW

--i say 'guys' like there are more than one of you people out there... if there is even one anymore.--

I'M SO NERVOUS

So during dress rehearsal today I go off stage after out Hairspray dance and into our changing room. My costumes were in the bag in the order of the show, so I quickly changed into my outfit for Footloose. Well, my mom decided to put be ballet costume (which was before Footloose) in the costume bag for the 2nd half of the show (Ballet/Footloose are in the 1st half) so I missed that dance.

I CHANGED INTO THE WRONG COSTUME AND MISSED THE DANCE. THE DANCE I NEEDED PRACTICE ON!

Oh well, at least it wasn't the night of the recital.

I just hope I don't do that on the night of the recital.. OHSHIT THAT'D BE BAD.

I won't give up on us.

I have a random headache. 

It probably means I should go to sleep now, but you know me. 

I won't do that.

So my Facebook is just sitting on Joe's wall, while I try to think of a truth for him.

I have to think of something different.

Should I tell him to text me and tell him about the note?







Or is that not a good idea?


Ugh I don't even know... 


I might... I think I will..

I can't say I don't care.

Wow, I can't believe I actually found this. December 11, 2011. 

7 months ago, today, this happened. 

Wow. I.. don't know what to say. 

I wrote him a 5 page note that I never gave him. 

I'm rewriting it and I might give it to him, but I don't know yet. :P

Wow. I'm about to start crying almost. 

If you want to get together, you have toGETher.

HI LOVELIES! 


It hasn't been a week since we got out of school! 


I literally can't wait for this summer. We're going to do our best to make this summer amazing. 


I'm excited. 

Just around the corner there's heartaches.

Hi. So. I was talking to this girl on kik. She knows about Joe.

It was almost two in the morning, and I kiked her. 

Me: *Sends her a picture of Joe (One I put of him on here in school)* Hi, I can't sleep! I just wanted to say that we haven't talked in a while and I have some news for you!(: First... can you believe I was in love with that? I sure can.. *Sent her two things I put on my blog under that picture* Oh, and these :P sorry! *I explained the paragraph things*
Her: Sorry! My ipod was dead al day! Piece of sh*t! LOL but! Aww! And well Joe, you have described him as a jerk so.. I don't know what he would say! Bet maybe be likes you back! But we will never know! That's a risk you can take!(:
Me: He isn't really a jerk, you just have to get the nice out of him. He comes off as a jerk, but honestly, he was so nice to me. I know he definitely doesn't like me, but I just really want to be friends again.
Her: Well babe! Just follow your heart! You'll know what's right! And if you really love him! I'm sure he will too! I mean, you guys are young but you sure have chemistry! From everything you have said to me about him and you! :)
Me: Thank you. Because I could never tell anyone what I just told you. And my friends would think it was ridiculous and that he'd never like me and stuff. *shrugs*
Her: UGH! They're immature! Don't listen to them! They're just jealous because they don't have what you guys have! And i'm always here for ya' babe!(:
Me: Again, thank you. Because I always think of him. I'm nervous.. My friend has a pool party on Sunday for her birthday and he might be going. She invited him. So he probably is. and like, i am not comfortable with myself in a bathing suit. and i'm not comfortable around him. (coz i'm nervous) so that should be.. interesting.
Her: You have nothing to worry about! if I was tought something. is to be happy with the way you are. everyone is beautiful! and what not show them the real way you are. instead of hiding and lying. because sooner or later they're going to see the real you. and you should never be uncomfortable with your body! trust me! its not worth it!(:
Me: Thank you so much! but i have dance team camp from 9-10, regular dance from from 10 to 12, then back to dance team from 12 to 3 tomorrow, then dance team camp from 9-3 on Sunday as well. so i should be asleep! >.< I kept thinking of Joe and I couldn't sleep ;P but good night, and thank you!(:
Her: Aww! you're in love! :)! Haha! Good night then! and no problem!

I fell asleep then. 

Oh, she's going into 10th, i'm going into 8th. 

She is so nice. I trust her more than anyone. Literally. 

I don't think I'm in love with him again, I think.. Its just the memories. I miss them too much.

Dear Joseph, 

I just want it all back, but I know I'll never get it back. 

I want to text you. I want to be your friend. I want to hang out with you. I want to fix things. I want to change things. I want to undo what happened. What I did. I messed up. I screwed it up for myself. It was my fault. I know that. I just really miss you. I always have. I always will.

-Ashley

The tans will eventually fade, but the memories will last forever.

WHOOOOOO ITS SUMMMERRRR! ;D

SO HAPPY AND EXCITTEEDDD!

I'm gonna miss the people in my class though. :P

But still!

SUMMER 2012! <3

I love this picture (:

Ahaha look at Michael&Mark! They're immitating us! (:

True love never dies~

Ugh, I should be studying for finals.

THEY BLOWWWW. 

Literally, I wish that could be me.

Let us die young or let us live forever.

Today's events:

Woke up around nine. Got ready for dance.

Dance started at ten, ended at twelve.

Went home, showered, got ready to go swimming up Helena's uncle Mo's.

Got picked up by Helena. People: Helena, Tessa, Eric, Nicky and me. 

Once we got there, we got in the hot tub. Me and Helena went in the pool after a bit, &we started out on rafts. It was cold, but you got used to it after a while. It was nice. We all ended up in the pool after me and Helena were in there for like ten minutes. We went back in the hot tub and played truth or dare. I got dared to eat a tree (a leaf). I spit it out. I was allowed to though.

We ordered food, and the guy didn't know how to get there..

So we directed him and then we ate. Then we went back in the hot tub. Then Nico came up to Mo's.

Then we went in the hot tub again. 

Then we played truth or dare again. 

Here's where I get detailed (that's what happens when you're a writer, you get very descriptive. I dunno, its easier to write this as I would a story). Brace yourself.
~
I walked out to the front to meet Nico. I was wrapped in my towel, and it looked awkward. But I'd rather that than walk out in just my bathing suit. He stepped out in normal clothes; a t-shirt and gym shorts. 

I asked him "Where's your bathing suit?" He replied "I'm just swimming in this... Whoa, this house is huge!" I laughed at his comment. "You've never been here before? This is my third time!" I looked at him. "Nope! WHOA!" He started running down the stairs towards the pool. "Hey Nico!" Helena yelled from the hot tub. I ran down after him to put my towel on the chair. I stood next to him while he took off his shoes, and we ran to the hot tub. I jumped right in, the water burning my semi-dry skin. 

"Oh! This is hot!" Nico winced, placing a leg in at a time. He sunk down in the hot water and sat next to me. "Hi, Nico." everyone said. "Hey guys!" he smiled at our friends. "So, back to our game." Eric said, looking at each of us. After a bit, it was Eric's turn again. "Ashley, truth or dare?" Everyone's eyes fell on me. "Uhmm, dare." I looked at him. "I dare you to kiss.. Nico." I looked at Nico and then back at Eric, and then back at Nico again. We kissed on the lips, and I looked down, playing with the water. 
~

That's the end of the really detailed part... for now. So, I ended up kissing Nico once, Eric three times, and Nicky once. 

We attempted a fire, but failed.

Here's a short detailed part.

~
We all started to pile into the car. Helena climbed in the passenger seat, and the rest of us found a spot in the back. Tessa climbed over the back seat into the way back, next person in the car was Eric. He sat all the way to the right of the back seat, and then I climbed in next. "Who else is going in the back?" Helena asked us. "I will." Nicky and Nico said at the same time. "Nicky, you can go in back." Nico climbed in the back seat. "Come here Nico, give Nicky room to get in the back." I told Nico, pulling him onto my lap. I held him there for as long as we needed, letting Nicky into the back seat. 

He slid off my lap, into the spot to the left of me. "Can I see your iPod?" Nico asked me, looking at my face. "Sure, let me find it." I started digging for my iPod in my bag. "Found it. Here you go!" I smiled at him. "Thanks!" he smiled at me, unlocking my iPod. He went on a bunch of my apps, asking me random questions about my iPod. 

Nicky was the first to get dropped off, so Nico had to climb into my lap again. I helped him onto me, and held his waist. My head rested lightly against his back and he turned around and looked at me. I tried to avoid eye contact, because I thought it'd be awkward in the position we were in. 

Once it came his turn to get dropped off, he turned to the right even though the door was to the left of him. He looked at me and smiled, saying "Bye guys!" he climbed out of the car, and ran up to his house.
~

End of the detailed part.

Then we went to Tessa's house and watched The Outsiders. 

I just realized, on June 1st, that a year ago that day, I asked out Joe. Gosh.

I'll never let you go.

I had a really good, then BAD, then good day! Hahah(:

Well so school was, yanno... school.

IT WAS OUR LAST FULL DAY OF THE YEAR! I'm both happy and sad about that.

The bad part of my day: THE DOCTORS... o.O

I hate shots, with everything I fucking am.


Then I went to the movies with Helena, Nico, Eric, and Dara. We saw Snow White and the Huntsmen.

It was pretty good.

The order in the seats from left to right was: Dara, Helena, me, Nico, and Eric.

I got up to go to the bathroom and I was the only one going out (the bathroom was right outside of the theater we were in) and I got out of the doors and someone put their hands on my shoulders and jumped and said "Where do you think you're going?!" and I stopped and turned my head around to see it was only Nico and I sorta put my arm around his waist for some reason (coz he kinda did for me) and yeah. Then when I got out of the bathroom he was waiting for me and I asked him "Did you go to the bathroom?" and he was like "No" and I asked "Why'd you come out here then?" and I smiled at him and he was like "I dunno, lets go to the arcade!" so we went over there and we went back into the movie theater.

Then we went over to the shoppes and we were in GameStop and I kept tickling Nico (coz he's really ticklish, its hilarious) and he was hiding from me and its was so cute, hahaha.(:

Then we got to Eric's and we were in his room and we were sitting on his bed and Eric was the only one not on the bed. He was on a chair to the side and Nico wanted to see the computer and Eric had it so he laid on top of me except it was like our bodies were crossed, if you understand that.

I got a ride home from him, and he texted me like 20 minutes ago. 

I was like "oh hey, that awkward moment when he only texts girls if he likes them..." 

*shrugs*

PeaceLoveSummer2012<3 (;