I just never wanted to lose you.

In all seriousness, i really liked him, and i feel like i'm not over him, except i want to be, but i never will be. that's how much i liked him. that one night at the plaza i literally broke down in tears. helena took my phone and texted him for me and we ended up having a conversation. i dont want to be how we are. i want to be friends with him. really bad. honestly, i cant stand not talking to him. i always get nervous around him when i'm with him and i try to act how he does about it- like we're still best friends and nothing got messed up. but that is the complete opposite. and i hate it. i just want it to end, and i want us to be friends. but that will never happen.

Ignore my grammar issues, right now idgaf. 

 

I wish I was strong enough to lift not one, but both of us.

He always has to pop into something like this.

Be the one to guide me, but never hold me down.

I'm sorta just sitting here, trying to strain myself from pressing the like button.

I never should've let you go.

Sorry, I can't argue with that.

They say silence is golden, but perhaps its really silver.

We had our Scavenger Hunt yesterday! It was literally so fun. I really legit had massive amounts of fun. Here are some of my favorite pictures.

 

Joe&Helena. *Oh how I wish that was me* / *That should be me* (Songs that fit. :P)

 Joe is holding Mark and I'm holding Tessa. I really am in love with this picture. Like its unhealthy.

 Me&Mark (:

 Our long prom line(; Left to right: Stephanie, Vanessa, Rachel, Me, Helena, Cori, Aleia, Tessa, and Joe in the background (:

Not the greatest picture of us, but left to right is me, Melon (Nick M), Helena, Michael, and Tessa.

But god, I had an amazing time. There, I realized a lot about who I liked. But I'm not gonna say anything just yet, until I know for sure. 

Lets just say, I'm choosing between three, but leaning towards only choosing between two. :P

 

I don't know why I'm drawn to you. Could you be the other one so we'd equal two?

First, before I start. I. Still. Do. NOT. Have. Feelings. For. Nico. 

We were in Geography and he was dancing with me and a few others. 

He grabbed my hands to play Mercy and he was winning and I didn't want to say Mercy so I just said "Fuck" and I was smirking and he stops and looks at me in the eyes and goes "You okay?" while still holding my hands and I said to him "I didn't say Mercy" and bent his hands back. We both started smiling and he fell to the ground and I let go, grabbing his wrist and helping him up. Then he grabbed my hands again and he goes "Spin in." and I said "What?" because I was confused, obviously.

He had my left hand in his, and he grabbed my waist with his free hand and started raveling me in. My back was against his chest and he spun me out and goes "Lean back" and I leaned back. I thought he was gonna kiss me almost because he looked at me when we were leaning back and he got close to me.

And that was the move that most guys do to kiss girls, when they're older obviously. 

Then he grabbed my hands again and started tangoing with me. 

He is hilarious, I swear. 

He gelled his hair to the side again today, and it looked gorgeous. Hahaha.

He came up to me in Science on Friday and hugged me, out of nowhere. From the back, he hugged my waist. I was putting colored pencils away and he came over and hugged me tight, and then walked away. I was startled.

Again, I don't like him. Now off to write more of my story. (;

'Love fast, have fun, and be a little mischevious.' -Louis Tomlinson

I want to be someone's Louis to their Harry.

You will understand if you watch this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnX-rwTTL0s

Watch all ten minutes, or don't. I watched all ten minutes. I would rather you did, or you wouldn't exactly understand what I meant. 

That's about it.

I really just love how they are with each other. 

Maybe I fell in love when you woke me up.

Nico figured out that the green notebook that I carry around is my notebook that holds my story... oh god, he got like addicted. He got to chapter 4 or 5.

He walks over right when I open it and he looks at it to read it and it was on Chapter 20, not 1, so I said "Don't read it!" and covered it as much as I could. He goes "What is it?" and takes it out and runs away before I could read it. He sat back at his desk and read it. Chapter four ends in a car crash and it was kinda quiet because people were finishing the Science test and all you hear is Nico in the corner of the room go "CAR CRASH?! WHAT?! this is good!" and the page turning. It wasn't really loud, but it sorta was because of how quiet it was. I have to write more for the sake of Instagrammers/Nico. lol.

 

I'd be lying if I told you losing you is something I can handle.

I don't think I like Mark anymore, but I'm not entirely sure. :P

I WENT TO A NEVERSHOUTNEVER CONCERT LAST NIGHT!

I slept over Helena's last night coz we didn't have school today!

(:

In Geography we were walking out of the classroom and I was walking with Helena and Nico and I was talking to Helena and he was kinda listening and walking with us and he buried his face in my hair.

But before that I looked at him and smiled and our faces were pretty close but I just looked away. That's when he put his face in my hair.

I don't understand that child sometimes. (:

I'll show you a picture of Harry (Styles) and his ex, Felicity Skinner. I'm not just saying that Nico did that because I thought the picture of Harry and Felicity was cute. I don't know why he did it. I can't explain what goes on in his head, but I pinky promise he did. Pinky promises are the shit. They are legit.

We were in Geography, like I said, so I obviously didn't have a hat on. But this is pretty much what he did. He put his nose in my hair, like Harry is doing to Felicity. 

I thought it was cute. Both the picture of Harry and Felicity and what Nico did. I honestly don't know why he did that. 

Now its gonna bother me, and I'm REALLY curious. 

Damn.

I think the picture is much cuter though because it was Harry's 'first love' and they're dating in the picture.

When Nico did it, I was talking at the time, so I didn't stop talking and stare at him like "What the HELL are you doing?!" even thought Helena stared at me like "What the HELL is he doing?!" I ignored it. He knew I knew he did it, obviously. He stuck his head in my hair. His nose touched my neck. I felt that, so I obviously knew he did that.

Its gonna bother me now. 

I don't have feelings for him, he's my best friend. 

But I just have to say he looks really attractive when he gels the front of his hair to the side.

He always asks me if his hair looks good. I think that's so adorable.

We were in Geography on Tuesday and it was towards the end of class and we weren't doing any work at the end of the class because we finished everything, so Nico, Eric, and myself were fooling around in the back of the classroom. 

Obviously, not the way you dirty minded people would think.

Nico was trying to dance and he was doing his scorpion (I find it hilarious that he can do a scorpion but I can't) and Eric was watching us. 'Us' being both me and Nico. I always help him with his scorpions. I pull his leg up, grab his hand and bring it to his foot, and push up on his knee. I have to keep pushing his knee in (the foot that is standing him up) so that his leg is straight. At the END end of class he was doing his scorpion and I stepped in front of him to see it and he dropped his leg and put his arms around my neck and hugged me and said "ASHLEY" while he hugged me. 

I hugged back. 

Again, like I said, I don't have feelings for him, he. is. my. BEST. FRIEND.

I can love you more than this.

Guys today was absolutely amazing. Like no lie.

Here was my day- be prepared for some detail.

School. Dodge ball Friday.<3 Mix n' Match day for Spirit Week.
After school we put our bags at Tessa's house, I got changed, and we walked down to Grande (a pizza place).
People there: a bunch of 6th grade girls, and then a ton of 7th grade boys. Michael, Mark D, Mark L, Nick L, Tim, Joe G, Joe P, Justin, Noah, etc. 
Then they all left. Mark D, Joe, and Michael came back for a reason I do not know. Bathroom I guess? No clue. 
Then on our way to Tessa's house, we stopped at Cal Ideas, a little store. 
The boys there were Mark D, Joe, Michael, Justin, Noah, Joe, and Michael.
We walked in and Steph gave Mark a hug. Then Cass. Then Tess. Then Helena. So I thought to myself "AND A HUG! :D" and he looked at me because I was the last one and I kinda just awkwardly looked at him and he goes "Sorry, Ash." and smiled and hugged me. When I hugged him/pulled away I was smirking at Helena like a total loser. Haha. 
That literally made my life better. Not just my night. My entire life. 
Then we went to Helena's house and just had a really good time. Girl's night, finally. 

I don't really know how to describe it, but I really like Mark. Like REALLY like him. And I get upset sometimes because I don't think he likes me.

But right now, I'm putting that aside and just thinking this: 

I got a hug from a boy I really like without the same disaster happening that happened with Joe. 

That makes me so happy, literally. Because I have wanted to just walk up to Mark and hug him, and that's pretty much what I did. 

My face felt kinda hot when I hugged him, so I'm assuming I was blushing. ^^

I just really like him. A lot. 

<3

"I'm searching for breath, I'm searching for relief, its so hard to find my way when I love you beyond belief." -Zayn Malik

I accidentally fell asleep tonight when I got home. 

I always have really good dreams when that happens... 

I'll tell you mine :3

We were on this field trip and we were assigned a group but we didn't have to stay with those people all day.
I was with three other guys that I didn't talk to or like, for that matter. 
All of a sudden, I got separated from them. I walked to find at least one of my friends, and Nico was alone too.
He walked up to me and said "Why are you alone?" 
I looked at him, "I could ask you the same." 
"Who were you with this morning?" He asked.
I told him who and then said, "But they all ditched me.." 
He looked at me, concerned. "You can stay with me." He said, looking at me and smiling.
He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. 
We went on bunches of rides and towards then end of the day, we decided to go on the Ferris wheel. 
We got to the top, and he kissed me. 

Before I could react, my dad flippin' woke me up.

Damn. 

 

I'm only here coz you stole my heart.

I still have Algebra to do but I'm too lazy to do it.

*Rebel*

Loljk.

I'm such a loser.

Best candy in the world at the moment--BOTTLE CAPS.

They're freaking delicious. 

Tomorrow is Generation Day for Spirit week and guess who is going as a Greaser.. *raises hand* THIS CHICK.

I'm gonna cry.. I'm so sad.

School is almost over.

My class is amazing and I will miss the people badly. ):

I love my class and the people in it.

I don't love school, just how I get to be with the people that I am every day.

):

Damn.

I can't wait for summer, don't get me wrong.. but I'm gonna be sad the last day of school..

But then we're having a party (most likely) towards the end of the year so FUCK YEAH.

But still. ):

Get on with life, because life gets on without you. -Zayn Malik

Mhkays, so I was hanging things in the hallway for school and I was hanging the stuff on the walls up high and I was directly in front of the Algebra door on the chair.

Guess who comes to the window to 'throw something away'.

Joe.

I accidentally made eye contact. I really tried not to, but he looked right at me.

Damn.

Mark was in my classroom in Science.

7th period, last class of the day.

He has Science 4th period and he had to finish taking the Science test. 

He walked in the classroom and I looked up to see who walked in and there he wass.

He looked right at me too. ^^

Me&Helena are trying out for the X Factor, and I'm being 100000000023493047% legit. So you can be a fucktard about it if you want, but you will be hit. :3

"Live for who and what you love." -Zayn Malik

Snooki and Mike The Situation (:

Today was Movie Character/Celebrity Day for Spirit Week!

I was Zayn Malik <3

We all know that the picture is mostly for the lovely photo-bomber in the background, the douche bag, Joseph. (:

Everyone asked me who I was, it was funny.

Nico looked hilarious. 

In Geography he was 'checking himself out' in the sunglasses and he turns to me and goes "I've got to stop this..." and put the sunglasses on.

It was actually a really fun day.

Tomorrow is Jersey Day, so I have to find my football jersey. :P

 

I do the best that I can, and I hope you understand.

This is what I want to say, but I'm not going to at all.

Tell me why I'm still in love with you.

I THINK THIS IS THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFETIME. OMG. NICO. GET IT IN. 

LOLWUT


This is so cute! I literally just cried. That is so cute, but I'm still wondering when he asked her out. Sweet heart, I made the mistake of loving him too.


BE CAREFUL. 


You aren't gonna be together forever, no matter what he says.
He told me he was glad we were dating and I said to him "the only thing that i'm not looking forward to is when we break up. ):" and he said "the only way that is gonna happen is if i die" well, we broke up. 


I'm just warning you without actually telling you this. 


I think its cute, I really do. But we've all seen it.


Tessa, Amber, Rachel, Brenda, and I went to Burger King last night and Tessa goes "... We've all dated Nico..." and we were like "OH this is awkward" haha.


We've all seen it, and you're just another girl who is falling in his trap, head over heels.




Good luck to you, Ariana, is all I can say. 


Sincerely, Nico's ex-girlfriends. 

If I lay here would you lay with me and just forget the world?

This was honestly the best night. I had the best time. Tyler is in the grey, Nicky is the tall one in the back, Mark is the short one in front of him. I'm the taller one on the right an Kate is the one in front of me. Helena is in the front.

 

This was Thursday when I had to go to my band concert. I could have gone to the carnival with Mark and them. Tessa is the only girl there, Nico is in the red, Mark in the grey.

This was also a really good day. Nicky is in the grey, Mark L is in the orange, Tyler- blonde hair, black jacket. Mark D- White sweatshirt. Nico-Navy sweatshirt. Danny- blonde hair, in the back. Tessa- purple shirt. Helena- hugging her. Me- Navy on the end. Her cousin Billy is the other kid.

 This was the same day as the picture above. The guys all danced shirtless to Sexy And I Know It. It was hilarious. Mark L Has the grey shirt on his head, Mark D has the blue shirt on his head, Nico has the belt on his hear, Danny is near Helena, Helena is on the end. Tyler is above Nico, jumping on him, and Nicky is the tall one in the back. 

These were really good days, except for Thursday. I missed out on that. I could have spent a night with Mark, and I'm really upset that I didn't get to.

We're never with the boys anymore and 'the boys' would be Nico and Mark and like, I dunno.. 

I haven't hung out with Nico in forever, nor Mark.

I'm really upset about not hanging out with Mark because ever since that one Friday when me, Kate, Aleia, Tessa, Nico, Mark, and Danny went to Nico's house, we haven't hung out with them. Of course, that's because Helena was in New York. 

I'm being eaten alive out on the porch, its so annoying. I wanna go inside but its so nice out!

You're only as tall as your heart will let you be, and you're only as small as the world will make you seem.

So its like 9:30 PM and I'm sitting on my porch alone. 

On a Saturday night. 

While all of my friends are out with people, having a grand old time. 

I don't know about the guys, but if I asked them to hang out they might think its weird if I was the only girl, but I really don't care. I haven't hung out with any of the guys in a while. 

Its 64 degrees out but its still nice out here. <3

I really have nothing to say except go look at this link:

http://makeawishfor2012.tumblr.com/


peace. :3

God put us here on this carnival ride. We close our eyes, never knowing where it'll take us next.

I completely forgot to tell you what mine and Mark's conversation on May 2nd was.

LOLOOPS

A: Hi!
M: Hey
A: Whats up
M: Nothin coming home from track
M: You?
A: Baking for the bake sale tomorrow. Haha how was track?
M: Good we didnt run much today
A: Oh is that good or bad?
M: Its good
A: Oh alright, thats what I thought
M: Haha ok
A: Okay(: I'm going to a baseball game with Helena soon, are they boring? :P
M: Ah there ok whos game?
A: I don't really know :P she just asked if i wanted to go to a game.
M: Oh
A: Yep :P
M: Yess
A: Scratch that, the game is cancelled :P
M: Sorry I didnt text you back and that sucks
A: Its alright and not really coz we're going to the carnival
M: Oh well thats good
A: Yep I guess
M: 
M: Sorry I meant ya
A: Oh ok
M: Ya
A: But i gotta go, i'll text you later if you want.
M: Ok bye

That's about it. ):

Love goes out like a light, out like a flame, and you can't find it anymore.

People don't know what kind of music I really like. 

I don't care what they think. Its my music.

Helena ditched me and Tessa again tonight- SHOCKER.

We went to the carnival tonight again, but it was much more fun. 

Joe was there. He was with Michael and Tyler and a bunch of other guys from our grade but not Mark D. ):

I was hoping to see him tonight. I want to see him.

I want to hug him.

I want him to be mine.

Idgaf what anyone says.

I really like him. 

I REALLY REALLY like him.

A lot. 

I'm not sure he feels the same way though.

He definitely doesn't.

If he did he would actually talk to me.

Does he? 

No. 

I really miss him.

I wanna talk to him. Bad. But its almost 11 PM. Damn, I'm not tired. I was up until 1 AM yesterday.

Eric won Tessa a fish and The Coon (Nick P) won someone else one but gave it to Eric.

Eric named his Tessa, Tessa named hers Eric. 

Eric is moving to Chicago soon. </3

I'll be honest, I'm gonna miss him.

He's one of my best friends and me and Tessa agreed that we all have to Oovoo.

I don't want to lose him, technically speaking.

I don't like him like that, but its just that he is so funny and nice and I'm gonna miss him. Simple as that.

I really wish Mark liked me. I know he wont but we can always hope. 

 

Don't you ever give up on us, my dear.

Today was actually pretty good.

I'll admit, I enjoyed it.

Here's my day, literally:

Dodgeball in gym class! Marisa got accidentally sat on by Michael. She bent down to get a ball and he jumped over her and while he was above her she stood up. It was hilarious.
Reading class we had a substitute and we did work in a book. BORING SHIT.
Got out of English class to help the band teacher with the 5th&6th grade band!
Lunch I worked the bake sale with a few other people. Towards the end of lunch, all the guys were coming out for no reason. They stood around the table asking for money to get stuff. I gave Nico money for one of the brownies (he loves my mint brownies ^^) and I almost did the same for Mark D. Hehe. So the guys that came out were Nico, Mark D, Joe, Michael, Tyler, Nick M, and Shawn (Toxic). They were pretending to take stuff.. they were like "I'll take this.." and slowly dragged it away. It was really funny. I have more about it farther down, just keep reading.
Homeroom: Alfonzo died during surgery, so we had a short funeral for him. (Alfonzo is something Nico drew on my whiteboard a while ago. He had to undergo surgery because people 'cut' him. ): ) 
Social Studies: Took notes, boring, blah.
Algebra: Test. :P
Geography&Science: I got out of also to help the band teacher with the 4th graders. THAT WAS HELL.
Came home: Accidentally fell asleep for three hours. Woke up before my band concert.
Band concert: We played 3 songs. Fuck that.
Rita's: Yum.
Home: Hi, I'm up to date. I am now writing this post for the people that aren't here.

Hello(;

LOLWUT

Anyway, when all the guys came out at lunch I looked up and guess who was staring at me...

Joseph Charles Fucking (last name here)


Then I awkwardly looked away and I looked at Mark and he smiled at me. (:


I didn't have time to text him today with all... THAT... going on. ):

Its roasting in my room and my fan is broken. Damn it.

OH so I was just going down my Facebook thingy and I saw a post from that girl that is in love with Nico (Ariana) and I was like "AWH THIS IS SO ADORABLE" because its this long post and at one point she goes "I'll tell you about (insert her words here, i forget what she said) when you phone me later. I sound like a loser saying that..." and a bunch of other stuff. I was like "IF SHE MEANS THEY'RE GONNA LITERALLY TALK ON THE PHONE THAT'S ADORABLE" 

Haha. 

No school tomorrowww. 

NEXT WEEK IS SPIRIT WEEK.

I get distracted easily, I apologize...

Peace :3

You can rough me up, you can break me down, baby don't stop now.

Haha, look at Aleia.

LOL WE ALL KNOW THE PICTURE ISN'T HERE FOR ALEIA.

Its for him.

I spent the night with Helena, Nicky, Aleia, Stephanie, Cassidy, Noah, and Joe.

Weirdest night in the world.

It was at the carnival.

I didn't realize how much I REALLY missed him until tonight.

I missed his voice, and just everything else about him.

This really pretty girl is in love with Nico and he likes her back! (:
 
They're hanging out Friday and I think he's gonna ask her out then!

Her Facebook status was "Why can't Friday come any sooner? <3"
 
I was like "Awh you better not be a bitch to him."

He hasn't met her in person before but they've been texting for a while now. 

I really miss Joe.

I was texting Mark tonight. I'll put the conversation up another time. I'm too depressed to do it tonight.
 

There's something about the way you look tonight that takes my breath away.

I was planning on texting Mark tonight but I forgot.

):

Nico asked for another piece of gum.

He broke my pencil on accident because he took it and told me he'd give it back if I gave him a piece of gum.

Then he took my pencil case and I tried to grab it from behind him so I was awkwardly hugging him sorta and Tyler, Mark L, Michael, etc. were all like "OOH YOU GUYS" and we were like "SHUT THE FUCK UP" but we didn't yell it because the teacher would kill us. It was hilarious.