I was praying that you and me might end up together.

One year ago today was the day Joe came to the plaza and I ruined everything. 

Fucking cheers.

St. Joe's started yesterday. 

Joe didn't go yesterday but he did tonight. 

Oh well.

Danny went tonight but he didn't go yesterday. 

We normally hug each other every time we see each other but I didn't get a hug yesterday. ): 

He was like "Sorry!):" and I said "Its ok!" and he was like "Good(:" 

I got a new phone! Kin one! 

Ok sorry off track. 

So I'm starting to really like him.

I was talking about St. Joe's (tonight) coz he asked about it and I was like "eh, it was decent i guess. :p" and he was like "that's good" and I was like "i guess. :p i got soaked though D:" and he was like "That's what she said Haha" and I was like "*facepalm* you would." and he was like "That's why I did :D" I was like "Dear Jesus."

He's so nice to me.

I just fucking want him ok.

Settle down with me. Cover me up, cuddle me in.

I can still hear his voice..


The last time I saw him was Sunday.. I normally don't remember things like that.. I never remembered Joe's voice like this..


Funny thing is, he always sounds drunk.


He only drank 4 times, but whenever he's at the plaza he comes straight from work, therefore he's never drunk when I see him. 


I love his voice. It always instantly makes me happier. 


I really regret not going down to the plaza yesterday. 1. I would've gotten to see him, hear his voice, etc. and 2. I would've gotten to do what is going to happen next time we see each other. 


Which can't be done in front of people.. but its gonna be done at the plaza most likely. Just maybe behind the big trucks, across the parking lot, uh, I don't know.


I'm actually curious to see where it'll happen. 


Again, nothing inappropriate.


I just cant say.

Give me love.

I'm falling hard and falling fast and I need to know if its all for nothing or not.

Dark blue, Dark blue, have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

Ok well everything is better now, so no worries. 

Cessna and Gina keep thinking I'm gonna have sex with him because we're going to do something that I cant say but its not bad at all.. and I had them guess and they're like "NO SEX" and I was like "I KNOW ITS NOT THAT" and then they finally got it right. 

Its nothing inappropriate. I promise.

Its something I'm nervous about because I've never done it before.. and if this helps, lets just say I'm carrying around mints 24/7 anymore. :)

My stomach hurt for two days straight because I was so nervous.. and I told him I was nervous and he was like "Don't be!" and I eventually was like "Okay, I'm trying to calm down." 

I haven't eaten in a while either because its so awkward if I go into BK and get food (coz he works there) so I lost like 4 or 5 pounds... which is both good and bad. :p

 

She's stuck in the class a team~

Tessa told me that my name in his phone was "Boobs" (it's not, it's "Ashley F") so at least that one's cleared up. 

When he got out of work someone screamed "GO HUG YOUR GIRLFRIEND" and he looked at me and I was looking at him so I looks away... 

I texted Danny and said "I should definitely get a hug tonight :)" Morgan W comes over and goes "Are you and Danny talking?" and I was like "Yeah.." and she was like "Like, talking-friend talking? Or like talking-dating?" and I was like "we aren't dating.. But we're talking" so she said "so talking-going to date?" and I was like "I guess" and she was like "are you gonna date?" and I said "if he asks me out.. Then yeah.. But if he doesn't, then we aren't gonna date." and she was like "ok. What'd you text him about?" and I said "I asked for a hug" and she goes "ok" and walks away to him and she went over to him and took his hat and put it on my head and stuff and I kept it there and some Matt kid came over and took it and Morgan goes to Danny "give her a hug" and drags him over but he hugged her from behind around her neck and she goes "give Ashley a hug not me" and he was like "practice hug" and he was still holding her like that when I stood up for a hug and he goes "how about a three way hug" and I hugged his neck and Morgan ducked away and he grabbed my waist and pulled me up so I was on my tippy toes again and I was smiling so hard and he was hugging me so tight and I was hugging him likewise and he pulled away and had his hands very low on my back and partially on my ass (but who the hell cares) and I had my arms around his neck and he smiles and goes "you smell nice" and I was like "thank you" and smiled and he goes "you didn't wear your hair down!" and I was like "you didn't tell me to!" and Morgan pulled him away and she went in back with him to talk to him and she came over after and she was like "I talked to him about it and he said you're too young" and she made a half /: half ): face and I nodded and she was like "I'm just telling you this so you don't get hurt" (or something like that) and she goes "he talks to Meghan too" and I was like "ok thank you." and she was like "sorry I was just warning you.. So don't fall for his games" and I was like "I wasn't planning on it" and she was like "ok." and I don't even know anymore. He kept looking at me and stuff but I don't know what to believe. And He is Morgan's best friend and I trust her..

Then I texted him and I just asked him if he talks to Meghan and he goes "Idk kind of i guess"

I definitely like him but I really don't know what to do...

He is love and he is all I need.

Jul 19- He took my phone and I have nothing to hide on there so I let him see it and Alexis was trying to take it off of him coz he was going in the messages (the only messages were between me and him) and I was like "let him go Alexis I dont care if he has my phone" and he was like "the only messages on here from me and her calm down" and she was all over him and I wanted to smack her so badly... And then he was playing with my one bracelet and he goes "can I have this bracelet?" and I looked up at him and said "no" and he was like "why" and I said "coz my friend made it for me" and he asked "can I have this one?" and played with/pulled at my hair tie and I was like "sure" and he pulled it off my wrist and put it on his. And then a few minutes later he put out his hand and I swear I almost put my hand in his and held his hand until I came back to reality and looked up at him and he was looking at me and I handed him my phone (that's what he wanted) and Alexis tried to get it off of him when she saw me give it to him. -_- but then when I was going I gave Helena, Gianna, and Alexis a hug and I was gonna give him a hug but I thought he didn't want one and I texted him when I got home saying "Hi!" and he said "I was just gonna text you! I didn't get a hug tonight ):" and I was like "I didn't think you wanted one!):" and Gianna wasn't gonna let me leave unless I gave him a hug. She had me pinned up to the wall! Haha it was hilarious. I'm upset I did t get to give him a hug though);

Jul 20- I expected him to get out of work at around 9 coz he did yesterday, but he didn't show up ):

UNTIL Alexis was about to pee herself so we went into to the mini mart bathroom.. And I was texting my mom back coz she was asking where to pick me up and Alexis was like "hi!" and hugged someone and I looked up and he was right there looking at me smiling with his arms out for a hug and he was like "what I don't get a hug?" and I was like "I was texting my mom back, haha" while hugging and we pulled back after like 5 seconds and he had his hands on my waist and my arms were around his neck and he was like "well you should text me" and I was like "I will, don't worry!" and he went to walk away and he locked eyes with me and was like "ill text you in a little bit" and smiled at me and I walked in the bathroom and could NOT stop smiling. (: but like it wasn't one of those pathetic hugs (neither was the first on Tuesday though). The first one was just like he held me tight and stuff and it was just amazing.. But like I didn't expect him to hold my waist when we hugged because he's tall and stuff. But this was longer and almost better. And I dont think you know how amazing I thought the first one was. But like the second one I was caught off guard and I wanted a hug so bad that I almost literally jumped into his arms. Coz was like flipping out on the inside because he was here and I was getting another hug and I looked up and he was there and I smiled so big and just threw my arms around his neck and he grabbed my waist again and this time I was on my tippy toes and I was like rocking from foot to foot and it was just so amazing and I never wanted to pull away.

You know I'd fall apart without you.

Ok so Just Girly Things is getting at my feels in the 'him' tag. God I just looked for one saying something like "having to stand on your toes to hug him' or something and I got a little carried away.. So here we go... 

 Explains itself.

 Also explains itself.

 Because I sure as hell do.

 Really badly.

 His height kills me, because its so damn perfect.

 Every damn time.

 Explains itself.

 Which was recently.

 It always does..

 I love texting him until really early. It makes me happy.

 The hugs are flawless. They make me feel like nothing else matters.

 Hi Danny :3

 Hi -again- Danny :)

 Ok we didn't kiss but I might have to stand on my toes so yeah hi.

 Every single night.

 He makes me feel so happy and I haven't had that for a while.. I really was happy today. Like I was dancing around because he put me in such a good mood from those hugs. I only saw him for two minutes yesterday, not even. But that doesn't even matter. I really just wish I was older. It would make everything so much better. I do like him and I don't care anymore. He makes me feel like I don't need anything or anyone else.. only him.

 Which happens when I'm not with him, all the time.

 I really love the height difference..

 He's not my boyfriend yet, but I hope soon.

 :)

 ASDFNAJSDUHTU DANNY.

 I almost started crying ok.

:)

Ok bye love you

I wanna make you feel wanted.

Okay, so I'm officially over Joe.

For real.

There's this kid I'm talking to, his name is Danny.

Sadly, he's 16 years old... I'm 13. 

He's super nice and funny and I'm still talking to him, like I do every night, despite the fact its almost after 1. 

We'll be texting for a while after too.

He wanted a hug, so when I saw him at the plaza today, I hugged him. 

Well I told Helena he wanted a hug so she was like "I'll hug him first!" and she walked up and was like "Hey Will" (another kid) and hugged him, "Hey Danny" hugged him, and then I sorta lost who she hugged (if she hugged anyone else) coz I gave Danny a hug. :)

But like, his hugs are literally the best thing ever.

Better than Mark's.

BETTER THAN JOE'S.

And I pinky promise you I'm not even lying. 

I've been wearing my hair up lately a lot.

He told me I looked pretty with my hair down and that I should wear it down. 

I wore my hair down today. 

If you're gonna think dirty well you shouldn't because all it means (whipped) is pretty much doing what they tell you to do without questioning it.

So I'm whipped, with the fact that he told me to wear my hair down and I did.

But anywho, back to the hug.

I have never ever had a hug that amazing.

I pinky promise.

I was behind Helena and he looked at me and I looked up at him (DAMN IS HE FUCKING TALL) and kinda just awkwardly held out my arms and smiled up at him and like I mentioned, he's tall, so I was a bit shocked when he went to hug my waist because my arms were around his shoulders/neck so I was like on my tippy toes and he held me so tight and I was so happy.

I pinky promise that made my night. 

Asdhflehifn dude I really want another hug. 

I'm being so serious. I want another hug. I'm like on the verge of tears.. because... his hug was so effing perfect. 

I pinky promise it was perfect.

You'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind.

Well...

Aleia likes Joe.

I love Joe. 

Aleia is probably talking to Joe right now.

I'm debating if I should send him the note or not. 


I'm actually really upset. Like I'm jealous. 

I don't want them to date.

I sound like a horrible friend but I love him. I don't think she knows that...


I just have to accept the fact that I don't have him and I never will. I really never will.

As much as I don't want to think that I know it is true and always will be. 

I think I'm gonna tell Aleia.. Helena is the only one who knows out of my friends... I don't know if I should tell her though.. I cant 

I really don't know what to do anymore. I really don't.
 

This night is a perfect shade of dark blue.

Lol so Mark was like "truth is your nice and we dont talk" and i commented "thanks&text me sometime if you want!" and he liked the comment. That's it. I'm like "oh fuck you too. like i didn't mean to text me or anything."


Yeah whatever, I don't like him anymore. Its Joe and this kid named Carmen.

He's my dad's friend's son... Haha.

I was up the lake this weekend and we found his dad's phone on shore and we went on the Facebook app to find out whose phone it was and the first boat we saw on the lake was him and he was like "Did you lose your phone?" and his dad was like "No, why?" and we held it up to him and he was like "Oh, wow. I guess I did. Thanks Mark!" and Carmen's mom was talking to me and Emily about our ages and how we got so big and who the people we were with were (Nico & Emily's boyfriend, Casey). 

She goes "Emily and.. Ashley, right?" and we nodded. Then she asked "How old now?" Emily said "16" and I said "13" and she goes "Oh! Just like Carmen. Are you going into eighth?" and I was like "Yep!" and she goes "Oh, same for him! But he goes to OLP!" and I was like "Oh, ok!" and she goes "Dunmore?" and I was like "Yep!" and on the inside I was like "Holy. Friggen. Shit. Carmen. Is. My. Age. And. He. Is. Shirtless. He's. Friggen. Cute." but on Facebook it looks like he talks to a lot of girls.

We'll never even hang out, or talk for that matter. 

So I don't think I should even bother...

But hey, its worth a shot. I guess.

I want what I can't have.

Friendly reminder that Joe did a triple take on me the day I came into Social Studies class after getting my braces on. 

I CAN'T GET THEM OFF HE WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SEE ME OUT OF MY FRIENDS... are we even friends.. ok we were. i think.


But seriously. 

He did a triple take. He looked back and smiled like "Ohi" and then he looked back again not to mention I was beaming like he just fucking kissed me or something and he turned back around (to face front) and he turned around again and that was when I pulled the Jenna Marbles face. Loljk but it was close to it.

Speaking of him kissing me no it didn't fucking happen do you think I would have waited until now to tell you one time we were at Borders (now BAM) and it was like Helena, Nico, Tessa, Eric, Danny, and me and we were wandering around (me and Joe weren't friends) and after that we were going up to Helena's to play spin the bottle hang out. Tessa was texting Joe and she was like "What's up" and he was like "Nm bored" and blah blah blah she invited him to come, I cried in the corner, he wasn't able to come.

BUT LIKE HE ALMOST CAME TO HELENA'S HOUSE.

I. COULD. HAVE. FUCKING. KISSED. JOE. 

I know that for a fact. 

1. I ended up kissing all the boys that were there (I think two or three more tagged along (obviously our friends)) 
and
2. They all knew that I was in fucking love with Joe still and they would be like "Yeah. Let's get this over with" and fucking smash our faces together. No doubt.

Or at least that's what Helena&Tessa would've done.

(reason why I fucking love them- They would've done that.)

(after we kissed) I would've either waited five minutes or not and ran walked out of the room to cry. 

Imagine how fucking confused how he would've been... HAHAHHAAHHAA 

Imagine this (or at least this is what I would want to happen.. dear Lord this might... ok will be detailed):

I ran out of the rec room in tears. I heard footsteps behind me and I quickly wiped the tears away, hearing Helena and Tessa calling my name. "What's wrong?!" they asked, finding me curled up on the couch. "You won't even understand if I try to explain!" I buried my head in my knees. I felt their arms unwrap from my shoulders and I heard them moving away. I looked up and I was face-to-face with Joe. I immediately reburied my head in embarrassment. "Please explain, for me?" he asked, afterwards kindly telling the girls to leave us alone for a few minutes. I picked my head up and wiped my face off with the back of my hands. "You'll never feel the same way. I know you didn't enjoy that as much as I did. You never will. That is the only time we will ever kiss. I've loved you for over a year and the feeling has never ever been mutual. I always wanted it to be but I was never in control of that. I don't know what else to say but I still love you. Sorry for this." He hugged me tight after my rambling session. "That's all a lie." I looked at him, our faces just inches apart. 

La la la la la and we kiss la la la HAHAHAHAH THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN

I'M SO FUNNY. 


But seriously.


I don't know what I'd do if I got to kiss him


Friendly reminder that Nico used to tell me how much Joe talked about how much he liked me.


Sigh.