Shut the door, turn the light off.

I'm really frustrated.

I was at Nico's house, and it was Danny, Nico, Tessa, Aleia, Kate, Mark D, and me.

I'm finally like "Oh yeah, I definitely like Mark."

Right then, Kate walks up to me, "Ashley, I like Mark."

I'm like "MY LIVE IS OVER. MOTHER TRUCKER." 

I didn't say that to her though. 

She just asked me again why that was bad because when she told me I was like "UUUUGGGGHHH" and she was like "What?" and I was like "COZ I REALLY LIKE HIM." Minus the caps. The caps were how I felt. 

She goes "This isn't good" because we always like the same guys and I was like "It never is" because she always gets the guy.

Damn you, Kate.

I wanna be with you, I wanna feel your love.

So this time I decide "truth&rates" and guess who liked it.

JOSEPH..

I'm going to sleep. -_-

She takes your hand... I die a little.

So I've eliminated Joe out of the four guys, so its down to three now. 

Damn, why does it have to be so hard to pick a guy... that would actually like me back. 

That's the hard part.

No one likes me. 


Of course. 

So yeah, I guess its down to Mark L, Mark D, and Michael. 


This really is gonna be a good Friday tomorrow.

Helena is going to New York from Friday night to Saturday, and we're going to have a drama free weekend.

WHOOP! -_-


People:
Tessa
Kate
Aleia
Ashley (Me) 
Danny
Nico
Mark D


(I think there's another girl but I can't think who it'd be.)


Plans:
Tessa's mom is driving us to Teppanyaki, then someone is driving us to Nico's house. We don't know who yet.


Then we're going to either Sherwood or St. Anthony's park. 


Then back to Nico's house.


I CAN'T WAIT. Its gonna be a fun day.

 

I'm broken, do you hear me?

So today I went to see the play my High School Drama Club is doing (Beauty and the Beast) and guess who was there.

Michael. 

And Joe.

Worst part; I'm stuck between four guys, it sucks.

Michael, Mark D, Mark L, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but Joe.

I don't think so for Joe, but yeah.

He threw a skittle at my face. -_-

So my first words to him in forever?

"I HATE YOU, JOE" with a mother freaking smile on my ugly ass face. 

I was 100% joking, obviously. 

Wanna know what made me happy?

He was laughing.

He was smiling.

He was enjoying that moment.

I was laughing.


I was smiling. 

I was enjoying that moment.


That's what I miss between us.

Not being too shy to talk to each other, or I guess throw skittles at each other. 

I felt a freaking skittle hit my face and I was like "DAFUQ?!" and then I remembered he threw one towards me before and I looked down the row at him and he was laughing and smiling at me and.. you don't know happy that made me.

We haven't talked in forever, and I know my first words were "I hate you, Joe" but I know he knows I was joking. We were both smiling and laughing with each other, and I really miss when that was every day.

I miss him. 

I was really happy tonight because of him, and I really wanna tell him that, but I'm not going to.

We're 'friends' according to him.

I don't see a friendship.

You need to talk and hang out to be friends, correct?

Well, I'd enjoy some more friendship moments here, please?


.. Please. 

I would walk through the desert, I would walk down the isle. I would swim all the oceans just to see you smile.

So today Joe passed out in school. XD

He meant to, though.

There is this thing that all the guys were doing (because they're not that smart) and none of the guys passed out in my class and like 7 of them did it.?

Nico did for legit a second and he came back.

Tessa said Joe did for like a few seconds and then Mackenzie (who tries to show off and lies and has a big mouth, no offense but its true) told me it was like a minute. 

The teacher would notice, you stupid.

I haven't talked to him in legit FOREVER.

I wanna text him, really bad.

But if I ask someone they will tell me to then when he doesn't text back (which he won't) I'll be humiliated and I won't be able to look at him.

But if he does... well, he wont... but IF he does, then I'll probably be like "OHMIGOD OHMIGOD OHMIGOD HE ANSWERED. WHAT DO I SAY?! WHAT KIND OF CONVERSATION DO WE HAVE?! LIKE OLD TIMES?! OR LIKE "Hey, how are you?" OR LIKE "Whats up?" AND STUFF?! WHAT IF IT GETS AWKWARD?!

I MAKE EVERYTHING AWKWARD."


See, this is why I don't text him. 

 INBETWEENERS DANCE GO!

FUCK YEA. Those are my boys.

<3

We're making all the same mistakes.

Wanna know what I've been wondering?

Why I think the people I used to like will ever come back to me and be like "I like you, a lot."

*coughcough* MichaelorJoe *coughcough*


HAHAHA MY GAWSH YOU KIDDING ME?! WHO THE HELL IS DRUGGING ME AND WITH WHAT?!

They're called One Direction and they're drugging me with beauty.

DATS THE SHIT.

This is what they do to me.

I don't know what's going on.

I'm wearing these glasses that aren't real glasses and then Tessa is saying they look stupid and telling me that my whole class told her they were prescription when I told them all that they were fake when they asked.

LIKE WHAT DAFUQ. LIKE NO. 


^^>


I'm sorta kinda obsessed with One Direction.

I'm doing my power point on them.

The slide about Niall is going to have him freaking DEFYING GRAVITY.

MY GOD ITS GONNA BE A BEAUT'.

What I love the most about One Direction is they taught me I'm beautiful in my own ways. 

Oh yeah, that's the reason I'm wearing the glasses.

The glasses fit my personality, and I'm not letting anyone ruin that... *Helena*

LOLWUT?

I have homework, and I have to type my paper still..

UGGGHHHH.

PEACEE BEBZ.  

I wanna stay up all night, jump around until we see the sun.

I'm actually kinda sad.

No, more like really sad. 

 

Can we fall one more time? Stop the tape and rewind, oh.

Harold Edward Styles is a freaking sex god. 

Just thought I'd let you know.

 

I think he tries to trigger memories sometimes. 

Do you know how amazing my summer would be if I got close to him again? If he actually DOES hang out with us like we regularly do, my summer will be complete.


Mhkay, so I guess I'll tell you who I'm in love with...

Well... there's five of them....

Liam James Payne, Louis William Tomlinson, Harry Edward Styles, Niall James Horan, & Zayn Jawaad Malik.

No specific order. 

They light up my world like nobody else. ;D

They're mine. 

ESPECIALLY HARRY. DON'T MESS WITH MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. OR ANY OF THE OTHERS. <3

You never really can fix a heart.

I saw our school's play of Beauty and the Beast!



It was really good!

Yep, fun time.

It just keeps getting better. 

Ohmigod its great. :D

I'll lift you up, I'll never stop, you know I'll take you to another world.

That moment of not knowing what to think when you check your phone after not looking at it for a while and having a text from that one guy you've been waiting for...

So I get out of dance, go to check my phone, expecting the usual: no text, no missed call, nothing.

One text.

I unlocked my phone to see who it was, and sure enough, "Joe" was on the screen. 


Not anything special, at all.

Just "Who is this???????" 

So I just said "Its ashley."

He didn't text back yet.

Not entirely sure if he's being legit. 

My Facebook status was "that awkward moment when three people who had your number ask "who is this"... -_-"

So I'm not sure if he's just joking with that, or being serious.

Because I'm gonna tell you something.

Twice in the summer/school year, he did the same thing.

It was after we weren't friends.

He said "Who is this?" and I just said ".. really?" and he was like "Ya who is this?" and I was like "Its Ashley. Isn't this Joe?" and he said "No"

Me: Then who is this?
Him: His friend

Me: but its Joe's number. what's your name?
Him: I wont say and he left his phone at my house

Me: oh.

Him: Ya do u still like him

Me: not anymore.

Him: Y not

Me: he'll never like me so I guess I'm just gonna give up on liking him.

Him: O how do u no tht

Me: i don't know for a fact but its just my instinct..

Him: O well i gtg bc im going over Joe's so he's gonna have his phone

Me: mhkay, bye.

I remember all of that by memory.

By the way, that WAS Joe. Not his friend. 

 

The second time he did it, he pretended he was a friend again and asked if I thought me and Joe would ever be friends again and why I gave up on him.

I told him "its really up to Joe to decide that. i gave up on him because i realized he would never like me, and he just chose not to be friends i guess"

Wanna know what I miss?

Sitting in the backseat of my parent's cars because I was texting him everyday and I didn't need them to ask who I was texting.

Staying up until like one in the morning to text him.

Playing the "If you had to would you..." game.

Conversations.

Him.

When I said I didn't want to be friends with him anymore and I didn't care, I lied.

I do want to be friends with Joe.

I do care.

I do miss him.

But I miss HIM. 

The old Joe.

I want to tell him he's changed. I want to tell him I do miss him, but I don't have feelings for him. I do want to give him that five page note, but the only way is through Tessa and she won't do it unless she reads it and I don't want her to read it. I want to give it to him, but I don't know when/how.

):

</3

Lets gather around the campfire and sing our campfire song.*

C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E  S-O-N-G  SONG!

We had a campfire last night! 

 Left to right: Mackenzie, me, Tessa, Rachel (towards the back), Helena, Alexis, Maddy (Mackenzie's little sister), Tom, Zack, and Mark is in the front. 

It was really fun. Then I was trying to ask Alexis how I should become friends with Joe again because I want to just be friends. Helena came over and wouldn't leave when I stared at her, so Alexis told me to just text her later. 

Alexis had to go talk to Mackenzie because something happened that she wouldn't talk to anyone and she sat near the shed and wouldn't move. 

Helena was like "What do you have to talk to her about?" and I was like "I wanna be friends with Joe again..." but I was quiet and hesitant and she was like "EWH he's a bird!" and I walked away and what made me really mad was she went over and told every single one of them (the guys left before all this) and said "Ashley just said she wanted to be friends with Joe" and someone said "Joe who?" and she said his last name and you could hear it in her voice she had that "ewh" face on. It really pissed me off. I was having the greatest night, and she ruined it.

I really liked how I looked last night, weird enough. 

I really don't know anymore. I don't want to be friends with him now though.

Tessa texted me before and she was like "Joe is coming to the play with us" (our high school puts on a play in the spring and winter) and I was like "When are we going" 

But like seriously I'm not gonna talk to him at all and I'm not gonna sit by him therefore I'm done with him. 

Simple enough.  


See the glasses I'm wearing? 

I wore them to the fifth grade talent show. 

I was in sixth grade then (when I liked/talked to Joe still).

June 2, 2011. 

The day after the sixth grade went to Hershey's park. 

The day after I asked Joe out.

It was a Thursday, hah. 
 
I was with Amber. When we were walking out, Joe was sitting with whoever he was with on the railing outside of the school and me and Amber were going to the playground. 

I wasn't gonna say anything to him, but she told me I should so I smiled at him, waved, and said "hey"


He did the same. :D


But the next day he ended up saying "no". Oh well.




During the talent show, he texted me and said "lol nice glasses" and I was like "haha thanks" and it was just regular for us to talk to each other like that. It got even more regular in July. 


I just remembered that today. I'm wearing them again, but not for that. 


I love these glasses. 




Not as much as I loved him, though.

I should've kissed you, I should've told you just how I feel.

Joe's status on Facebook:

"Who wants to chill after school"

*Raises hand*

I wanted to like it, but I didn't. 

I put that truth that I said I would on his wall... he didn't like or comment. 


\m/


Dance Team TRYOUTS tomorrow after school!

I'm so nervous. I've been practicing the dance like there's no freaking tomorrow.

I was practicing it with other people from the group after school and the guys (Michael, Robert, etc.) were waiting to go outside for track and so they were kinda watching us and I was like "ohaay what do you want.."

Michael kept talking about it. He was like... 

"you like to practice a lot..." 
"is this for where you dance?"
"what is it for"
"when are tryouts" 

I kept answering and then when he left I was like "heh-heh"

I don't like him like I used to but I still do a little.  

You don't know you're beautiful!

WHY THE HELL DOES HE HAVE TO LIKE EVERY FREAKING TRUTH I DO ON FACEBOOK?!?!?!

Every time I do a "truths" status JOE FREAKING *his last name here* HAS TO LIKE IT. LIKE NO. YOU DON'T TALK TO ME, I MISS YOU LIKE FREAKING HELL. DON'T DO THIS TO ME. Please.. 

I put: "truth is we don't talk anymore... well actually this isn't really a real truth because this has been my truth the last two times so it really isnt the truth.. i would say we should talk again but i don't think you'd give me a change again, so that's out of the question. soyeah. see ya?"

He didn't put anything back yet... 

You had a lot of crooks try to steal your heart, couldn't never figure out how to love.

Him: " Wanna know what songs remind me of Summer 2011?"
Me: "Yep!"
Him: *Pulls out phone and plays Stereo Hearts by Gym Class Heroes, How to Love by Lil Wayne, and another song that I forget*
Me: *Smiles when he puts How to Love on*
Me: "I thought so. Strange enough, Jordan made How to Love... our song..." 
Him: "I know." *smiles*

Who do you think it was? 

Nico on the ski lift, haha. 

That is the second time he's done that. 

I miss them. (Jordan, Nick, etc.) 

I love how I finally open up to someone I thought was a good friend and she continues to treat me like shit. Woop.

You lift my feet off the ground, you spin me around... You make me crazier.

Me and Nico have got really close. 

We were skiing last night and he was trying to teach me how to properly turn and he kept falling it was the best.

This is amusingly accurate.


I honestly did NOT think I was gonna get that right.

I love how he was like "I'm now hiding under my bed because of your comment" 

That is comical. 

Ohmygawd. 

Dying. 

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 


I love Nico so much! Like best friend love... because he's my best friend! <3 :3

You've got that one thing.

I had a good dream last night (:

I've had a dream like it before, but it was just the place that was the same. 

First it was at a theater. It was my dress rehearsal for our dance recital, and for some reason, our whole grade was there. 

After the rehearsal, we went outside. It was like a fair, but not so much. It was only our grade. There was a big open field, then a playground. In the playground, there was a maze. In the maze, you had to climb through tubes at some points, but not all the time. 

Once I got out, Tessa and Nico were at the end waiting.

I laid on the ground for some reason, and then Nico came over and laid next to me. I don't know where Tessa went. (Strange part) Nico asked me out.
 
I said yes, and I do not know why. Honestly. It was a dream, so I had no control. I have no clue what I'd say if he asked me out in real life...

But anyway, then we were holding hands and stuff and we went to Helena's house and then I woke up.


 
Speaking of Helena, I'm kinda upset with her.

I'm having trouble with stuff, and apparently so is Alexis and Tessa. But she invited them to a sleepover to "help them." 

I told her something last night when it happened and she said "I don't know what to say" and eventually walked away. 

Then for the most of the night she was talking to Christian and Tessa in the bathroom. I was crying.

Everyone who was comforting me left Danny's house, so I had no one. 

I told her something else that happened today, and she compared it to something with her.

That's why I don't like opening up to her, because she always compares it to something with her.

No offense.