I want what I can't have.

Friendly reminder that Joe did a triple take on me the day I came into Social Studies class after getting my braces on. 

I CAN'T GET THEM OFF HE WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SEE ME OUT OF MY FRIENDS... are we even friends.. ok we were. i think.


But seriously. 

He did a triple take. He looked back and smiled like "Ohi" and then he looked back again not to mention I was beaming like he just fucking kissed me or something and he turned back around (to face front) and he turned around again and that was when I pulled the Jenna Marbles face. Loljk but it was close to it.

Speaking of him kissing me no it didn't fucking happen do you think I would have waited until now to tell you one time we were at Borders (now BAM) and it was like Helena, Nico, Tessa, Eric, Danny, and me and we were wandering around (me and Joe weren't friends) and after that we were going up to Helena's to play spin the bottle hang out. Tessa was texting Joe and she was like "What's up" and he was like "Nm bored" and blah blah blah she invited him to come, I cried in the corner, he wasn't able to come.

BUT LIKE HE ALMOST CAME TO HELENA'S HOUSE.

I. COULD. HAVE. FUCKING. KISSED. JOE. 

I know that for a fact. 

1. I ended up kissing all the boys that were there (I think two or three more tagged along (obviously our friends)) 
and
2. They all knew that I was in fucking love with Joe still and they would be like "Yeah. Let's get this over with" and fucking smash our faces together. No doubt.

Or at least that's what Helena&Tessa would've done.

(reason why I fucking love them- They would've done that.)

(after we kissed) I would've either waited five minutes or not and ran walked out of the room to cry. 

Imagine how fucking confused how he would've been... HAHAHHAAHHAA 

Imagine this (or at least this is what I would want to happen.. dear Lord this might... ok will be detailed):

I ran out of the rec room in tears. I heard footsteps behind me and I quickly wiped the tears away, hearing Helena and Tessa calling my name. "What's wrong?!" they asked, finding me curled up on the couch. "You won't even understand if I try to explain!" I buried my head in my knees. I felt their arms unwrap from my shoulders and I heard them moving away. I looked up and I was face-to-face with Joe. I immediately reburied my head in embarrassment. "Please explain, for me?" he asked, afterwards kindly telling the girls to leave us alone for a few minutes. I picked my head up and wiped my face off with the back of my hands. "You'll never feel the same way. I know you didn't enjoy that as much as I did. You never will. That is the only time we will ever kiss. I've loved you for over a year and the feeling has never ever been mutual. I always wanted it to be but I was never in control of that. I don't know what else to say but I still love you. Sorry for this." He hugged me tight after my rambling session. "That's all a lie." I looked at him, our faces just inches apart. 

La la la la la and we kiss la la la HAHAHAHAH THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN

I'M SO FUNNY. 


But seriously.


I don't know what I'd do if I got to kiss him


Friendly reminder that Nico used to tell me how much Joe talked about how much he liked me.


Sigh.