Wake me if you're out there.

Can you believe I was in love with this?

I sure can.

I know you might not think that there is anything special about him, but there is more than you'd think.

Someone took this in school (obviously) and put it on Facebook, and I just found it again and I needed to say this.

This picture may not the most attractive, but there better ones. He used to be the nicest boy I had ever met. He was so funny and nice. I just don't know. There was so much there in my heart for him and I don't know what. I just can't put words to it. I apologize. Compared to... even Nico. I was in love with Nico before I met Joe. I'll admit it. Compared to Nico, even Joe was more attractive. I loved him, and I don't care what anyone says.

If I could tell him all this and more, I would. Well, I could. But I don't know what he would say. I'm afraid of what he would say. 


I think it was two weeks ago that I broke down at the plaza and Helena texted Joe off of my phone for me? 

This is what I said to Helena when I started crying.

"Helena, come here, please."
H: Yeah?
A: I need to talk to you.. 
H: Alright, what is it?
A: I just need to say this... I just want to be friends with the kid.

--I started to cry now--

H: who? Joe?
A: Yes. I'm not saying I'm still in love with him, because I still need to think about that. I can't get over Joe. I don't know why. But its like you and Scotty. Even though yours was 6 years that you loved him until he started to like you back at all, I never felt like that with Joe with anyone else. It was only one year, I know. But that is the longest I have ever liked someone. When you ran outside of Giovanni's I only saw Shawn so I did run. I didn't know that Joe was out there too. I just want to have a conversation with him-
H: Text him
A: I cant
H: Why not?
A: I feel like he's not gonna text back and I'm gonna be embarrassed when I see him in the halls.
H: *Takes my phone and texts him*

I was okay after that.

Right now... now that I found this picture (at the top of this post) I don't really know.

I know I do like Mark, but he doesn't talk to me. I don't think he likes me either.

Joe doesn't like me, I know that.

I just.. don't know anymore.

I want to be friends with Joe like we used to be. 

Its just not gonna happen.